But at least he and KimAss Kardashian aren’t pulling their usual “dick to belly button” pose  in a newly released pic from their engagement party by Lies & Style. Oh, and by the way, “dick to belly” is taken from their soon-to-be-released book “The Kimasutra”.

Yes I’m aware I’ve now written three stories about celebrity hair today. So I like hair? GET OVER IT.

Here’s Waaaaaaaaayne Rooney with a patch of something on his head, the one he paid £30,000 for. It’s like someone chalked a 5 o’clock shadow on his noggin and then he rubbed it off coming out from under Coleen’s merkin. Either that or Ashley Cole‘s been sprinkling fairy dust over his favourite girlfriends again.

Yes folks, this is what Kim KardashiBUM looks like when she wipes that skank off!

I shouldn’t say that. I don’t think it’s possible for Kim to COMPLETELY wipe the skank off. That would involve removing skin or losing shares in bronzing power, which would frankly be more painful.

She looks almost normal without make-up, but you know we prefer her tranny call girl look. This one is all kinds of “period face”. And I bet along with her Armenian body and lip hair problem, her flow is heaaaaaaavy.

Katie Price gifts us her body made from the Jason Vale‘s juice diet, along with a Twatter message that said:

“My juice today was pineapple, apples, ginger, banana, orange, mango, natural yoghurt, manuka honey! For lunch, roast dinner haha.”

And now…..a chicken drumstick.

But let’s face it, nobody wants to dry or wet hump the nalgas of Ronald McDonald‘s cousin, apart from that fan with the red camera whose also pulling a “you filthay bitch Rihanna” face and will probably photoshop her mouth all over RiRi‘s butt cleavage and post it on Facebook later. You know what these non-lesbian (LESBIANS!!) are like.

Quite possibly the SCARIEST thing we’ve seen all week, which is interesting because it’s only Monday…

Style on the other hand is wearing a waistcoat made from the pubic muff clippings of Mimi’s ladyshave, tied together with a doggy poo bag.

Did someone sneak a Jessica Simpson bad luck charm into Duchess Kate‘s handbag when she wasn’t looking or something, because she’s definitely been ‘touched by dumbasses’. Why else would Britain’s hottest style icon (ifyousaysodailymail) go out in daylight dressed like the sort of person you see at holiday camps with free Cuntry & Western karaoke on Friday nights.

And as for Prince Cueball, what in the God damn Dad denim is he wearing on his legs?! Could he not find a fuglier pair of jeans in Michael Lohan‘s wardrobe to finish off his Brokeback Royal combo. My eyes are cringing and my hand is in defense mode at the sight of his plaid shirt (stolen from Will Young‘s Barn Dance garage sale) and tan cowboy boots. All he needs is the signature mobile phone waistband carrier case.

Aaaaaaand back to Kate. Is it just us, or does she look like Katie Holmes after one of her wardrobe pre-progamming apps malfunctioned again? Suri really needs to sort her priorities out and oil Mummy’s wires more often, I’m sure Daddy Tom has a bottle of lube-on-a-rope she can borrow.