Naughty naughty Usher, Kim Kardashian‘s junk trunk is so gonna take you out, after the singer opened his digital coffin and came back from the dead to send 4 tweets at the weekend.

The man with da moves and a pile of other dead (but not really) stars including GaGa and Alicia Keys delivered their last rites on November 30 when they agreed to quit social networking sites Facebook and Twitter, until they raised $1 million for the Keep a Child Alive charity.

Not even halfway there yet, and already a sleb has broken their promise. And somewhere a child is suffering needlessly because of Usher’s selfish act of saying hi to his lil homie, lesbian Bieber, who was on a promotional tour in London.

We hope you’re proud of yourself Usher. *tuts*

Clearly at ease with endorsing this many animal skins hanging off her body, Grace Jones just thought ‘what the fuck’, and just went with the empty fruit bag bangs.

Miley trash has consulted her lawyers and is considering legal action against ZackTaylor.ca after the Canadian radio host and blogger released what was purported to be a pic of the singer last week, taken from her iPhone.

Taylor — who was among two bloggers who tried to purchase PerezHilton.com in a multimillion dollar deal this year — has admitted the picture was a hoax and the “lookalike” was actually a British famewhore who believes she looks like Miley.

The singer’s rep denied the picture was her from the outset, pointing out that faux Miley was missing a tell-tale tattoo; the words “Just Breathe” under her left boob.

Ooh get ‘im…

Transformers star and Mr Fergie, Josh Duhamel was kicked off an internal US flight after refusing to turn off his mobile.

The actor was on board a flight to New York’s LaGuardia Airport when a trolly dolly reportedly asked him to switch off his BlackBerry before takeoff.

A nosey onlooker told gossip site TMZ that Duhamel was “very rude” and “taunted the attendant”.

Another eye witness said the star was asked to switch off his phone three times, but laughed and refused to; with the flight attendant eventually having to alert other staff to the situation, which meant the plane had to return to the gate. Anyone else thinking just open the door and boot him out?? Easier and arse.

Duhamel was eventually escorted from the aircraft by two US Airways representatives. Hurrah and arse.

The actor’s spokesperson has now said Duhamel apologises for his behaviour which delayed the flight….but according to the rep, he was texting another agent to inform them the flight was already running late. Uh-huh.

We just hope that picture message of his penis got to stripper Nicole Forrester….er, we mean….Fergie….in the end.

Back to Tesco‘s she goes, maybe not on the checkout, but on the shelves alongside fellow Irish singer, Nadine Coyle at No 999 on the chart……one day.

Yep, Mary Byrne was voted off X Factor tonight after a sing-off with mentally unstable, acne faced, stroppy diva who needs a slap, Cher.

The 50-year-old pub singer, who was the only contestant along with Paige Richardson who didn’t lose weight during the show; lost her fight to be the next big thing (eh, she’s won that already hasn’t she??) after Cheryl Cole, Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue all opted to save Cher. Fix much?

The remaining acts now going through to the X Factor final are Rebecca Ferguson, Cher, One Direction and Matt Cardle. We vote the teenage boys clad in All Saints…ooof.

And so, to pay homage to Mary and our X Factor tweet of the week from journalist Caitlin Moran who wrote: “Nothing says disco more than sitting on a chair”…

Here, on club classics night, is Mary performing “Never Can Say Goodbye”….on a chair.

Poor Justin Timberlake, a boo hoo hoo….as the singer has injured his leg on the set of his upcoming science-fiction thriller Now.

Apparently the accident happened while the singer turned actor was performing a stunt for the new movie, in which he co-stars with actress Amanda Seyfried.

A rep for Fox said: “Justin Timberlake sustained a muscle injury to his calf on the set of Andrew Niccol’s thriller ‘Now’.

“Production has taken a brief hiatus and will resume shortly.”

Bless. He won’t be doing any of this for a while then….

Jesus…..Jesus who?

Madonna‘s latest toyboyf, 24-year-old Brahim Zaibat has taken time out of his busy schedule servicing M’s vajeen, to speak about his relationship with the singer.

Zaibat has laughed off the longstanding rumours that Madge is a complete bitch, by revealing she is just an”ordinary woman” and not a “monster”. Bless. Best he enjoys his time with Maw Maw before she opens the door and kicks him out into a road somewhere, with the help of a very sharp and pointy stiletto.

The French dancer, whose penis replaced a Brazilian, has also spoken of the moment he first met the star, saying:

“She’s an extraordinary artist and world famous, of course, but a woman above all. [When I met her I said] ‘Hi, how are you?’

“It wasn’t like meeting a monster! She wasn’t the first well-known female singer I’d met, you know. I’m not saying things have gone very fast since then, but things have happened in order.”

Funny how Madge always picks foreign boyfriends – must be that ‘just get down there and do what you have to and don’t speak thing’. We can relate.

So what did the Frenchie have to say about being around a woman old enough to be his grandmother (her hands are old enough to be dead):

“I’m learning a great deal. I’m an apprentice!”

Ok, that’s a case of #TMI

It’s still amazeballs to us how a ginge can get so many women into bed when he’s a fugly, smug-faced, ego-full arse of a ginge called Mick Fucknall (we omitted the ‘H’ to take the piss obviously) – he who inserted a Ruby into his toof and told us all about it. Wow. No, just wow.

But apparently the singer who looks like the underside of a ball-sack with a bad rash, managed to bed around 1000 women at the height of his fame (despite having ginge ringlets and wearing ‘Crockett’ style shiny pastel blue suits). *still gobsmacked*

Fucknall apparently slept with 3 women a day for 3 years (’85 – 87), by leering over some vajeens and whispering all ginge Mancunian like, ‘It’s Only Love’ which did the trick.

But now he blames his Mum for his penis’ behaviour.

The warbler has now told The Guardian: “I regret the philandering. When I had the fame, it went crazy. Between 1985 and 1987, I would sleep with about three women a day, every day. I never said no. This was what I wanted from being a pop star. I was living the dream and my only regret is that I hurt some really good girls.

“I wanted love from every single woman on the planet because I didn’t have my mother’s love. It was an addiction that took me to my darker period from 1996 to 2001, when I really came close to the gutter – I was more into drinking than seducing. I never really got the emotional contact that I craved”

We fear his apology is pointless really, not because it’s a case of too little too late or anything; but because the majority of vadge’s that found themselves between his (no doubt) satin sheets were only there for the fame and the Chanel handbags anyway. And probably left with a ginge pube or two between their teeth…..and who wants to remember that?

The word of the day today is ‘retards’, which refers to people who ACTUALLY believed this picture of an imposter Miley Cyrus WAS the real Miley. Stupid much?

The supposed nekkid pic of the singer and hottest piece of trailer trash in lil’ ole rednecks-ville, has been revealed as a fake. *shock face* So all you trouser fiddlers who have spent all night with your hands down your pants getting off to who you thought was Miley; you’ve actually been jerking off to a random girl with a pointy nose and bad hair, who just likes to show her vajeen.

Apparently the person who made-up the story and sold it to the gossip spreaders (who must have all been pissed when they leaked it to the internet and are only now realising the picture was in fact of a NOBODY), has now released a story announcing the whole thing as a fake. No, really?!!

The originator of the story admits the picture is of a ‘random 19-year-old girl from London who goes around taking all sorts of photos telling guys she is a Miley look-a-like.’

Erm, we have news for random girl who thinks she looks like Miley. YOU DON’T. Oh, and you need to GET A PROPER JOB.

And there we were all excited over seeing Miley’s badly stuffed kebab (with hot diggity dawg sauce)…NOT.

Just when you thought David Hasselhoff‘s career was at the bottom of a used hamburger carton (it is); the man who makes airport staff cringe and run for cover, is being touted as Simon Cowell‘s replacement on the next series of Britain’s Got Talent.

According to The Sun, the Hoff’s Hollywood smile has been approached to replace Simon’s Hollywood smile as a judge on the show, as the media mogul will be busy launching the US version of the X Factor in 2011.

The actor reportedly quit America’s Got Talent earlier this year after being pissed for most of the series, gushing love at the contestants, despite the fact some of them were frankly…shit.

A nosey source looking for a quick tenner for the pub, told the Sun: “David was delighted to receive the call as he really enjoyed his time on America’s Got Talent.”

We bet he did…from the bottom of a bottle.

And if that wasn’t enough Hoff for us, the former Baywatch hunk in trunks *coughs* is also set to appear in panto as evil villain Captain Hook in Peter Pan, alongside fancy hands lisp in lycra, Louis Spence, which kicks off next Friday at the New Wombledon Theatre.

We bet the Germans are gutted he’ll be spending Christmas with us. Their loss is our lucky, lucky gain. *cracks open the babycham* #sarcasm