As if. Watch the way his eyes light up when a pair of twinks and their bulges appear on stage. It’s like when Denise Welch’s eyeholes make contact with a bottle of gin.

No, instead this weekend’s X Factor BIG twist will involve four of the 16 finalists being drop-kicked out of the studios and the shag-pad they’re all sharing, and going back to nobodyagainville.

One contestant from each judge’s group will be pushed out the door by Kelly Rowland’s nipples – after the judges decide who performs best on Saturday’s show. Then on Sunday they’ll say goodbye, you were shit, and off that loser goes. There will be no public vote.

A source for the show told The Sun: “This is X Factor with teeth. It’s going to be the biggest drama the show has ever seen. It will be agonising to watch, but compulsive.

“It’s really going to shake things up and bosses are expecting tears from contestants, the judges — and even from viewers.”

No. What will really shake things up, is if all four judges bring an inflatable paddling pool on stage filled to the brim, play Green Day’s “Good Riddance” and drown Kitty.