The demure Barbadian pearl that is RiRi never leaves her home without her chichi cleavage out, or her oyster card now it seems. Not content with shocking us every time she humps an invisible peen on stage, she decided to shock us by turning up on the Jubilee line last night, on her way to perform at The O2 for the first of 10 nights at the London venue. She may be the queen of grinding her cooch against strangers on stage, but look how well behaved she was, not one single rub up against a pair of hamhocks. Notice also how she’s STANDING UP! Good old Londoners. See a seat. KEEP A FUCKING SEAT! Not even knocked up bitches get to rest their hairy cankles these days. So Rihanna had Bob hope and no hope.

The guy in the background in the black jacket is also breaking the first rule of travelling on public transport. Keep your eyes, ears and mouth to yourself. SEE NO EVIL! He’s full on gawping at Rihanna. But then he’s also got a slight look of “I just got off of the bus from Dontknowthefuckville”, he probably thinks RiRi is one of the Sugababes. The one he faps over under his duvet cover at home where he still lives with his Mum.

Anyway, in other RiRi news, thank god her scalp no longer looks like it’s having a heavy flow day. She’s just grown a pair of rabbit ears instead.