Her botox seems more relaxed of late, meaning her eyebrows aren’t heading off on their holidays east and west for once; so Kylie is looking less like Amanda Lepore. Which is a good thing. She’s also been made an honourary Doctor of Health Science from the University of Essex. And there you were thinking she was just a pair of queefing buttocks in gold hot pants.

As she collected her award yesterday, she said: “I never went to university, so my dad will be very proud when he sees the pictures.” Adding an “Innit” at the end, ’cause she’s in Esssex. Like. (she didn’t really).

Newly brunette Kylie received the award for the work she’s done promoting breast cancer awareness, after fighting the illness in 2006.