Anna Wintour Wants Kate Middleton’s Soul!

Tabloid rumour-ville is saying that the wicked witch of Vogue, Anna Wintour, is making a smug-face like a pug in a bob-wig, because she thinks Kate Middleton is going to jump at the chance to appear on the cover of the American edition of the fashion bible. Gossip bitches say she will summon Mario Testino to her crypt (the same one she co-rents with Karl Lagerfeld‘s ponytail) and request that Testino take the exclusive shots, after fulfilling the role of official Royal Wedding photographer earlier this year.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what that tapping is, it’s the sounds of Anna’s claws on her desk as she waits for Kate to get back to her with an answer, from Anglesey. DON’T DO IT, KATE! You know how they say a camera can add a few pounds? Well Anna’s camera takes bits of your soul instead. Why do you think she’s constantly in sunglasses? It’s because the souls of her past victims are still trying to claw their way out of her retinas.

And why would Kate say yes to US Vogue anyhow? Surely she’d do UK Vogue first, keeping in with Blightly, like, innit? Anyhow, Anna probably smells like rotten animal meat and we’re betting she’s bald under that bob. That’s why we love her so much. Oh what the fuck, DO IT KATE, DO IT!

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