There’s too much going on here in this picture of X Factor judge Tulisa and her boyfriend Fazer, for me to focus on just one thing. Let me slap myself a little and try to organise my thoughts into a list. This picture NEEDS a list:

1. Tulisa’s ”meth lab explosion” eyebrows.
2. Fazer’s “H Samuel-esque” chunky chains.
3. Tulisa’s right tit trying to escape from the randomness.
4. Fazer’s spliff in his hand.
5. BODYGUARDS. Seriously, why in the fuck do these two twats need bodyguards in London?! Nobody cares what the hell they are, let alone who they are.

Basically we’re doing our “What. In. The. Arses.” expression. He should have been in a Police van after being arrested for crimes to fashion. She should have been at home washing her face off with battery acid.