You can stop composing that email to “bradleycooperisaheterosexualvaginalover@rocketmail.com.” because B-Coops won’t throw flirty eyes at you unless you’re a famousy. The man with snorty wide-eyes has admitted he’s a proud starfucker, and you know what, we’re actually going to give him a pass-GO on this. It’s obvious he was tricked into that weird business lunch that Jennifer Lopez “accidentally” leaked to TMZ.com – that’ll teach him for ‘friendly-winking” at JLo’s gigantic, single and DESPERATE cooch.

So, yeah. We’re allowing B Coops this comment about being exclusively attracted to famous snatch: “Connection and chemistry are amazing things and if the other person is used to being in the media, it makes things easier”. Did someone say smug, mediocre actor with a nose that could sweep the leaves off my driveway while still standing at my front door? He also has no neck.

Oh, and seriously, how much longer does his publicist expect us to believe these “Bradley Cooper is a pussywrassling man whore who licks the ladies” stories?? Let’s just put our foot on the brake, share a joint and accept the fact we all know Thai-balls are his favourite snack, with extra hot sauce.